After over a decade of dedicating herself to intimacy coaching, Cindra took a bold step back to rediscover who she truly is beyond her work, her sexual identity, and the expectations of others. In this candid interview, she opens up about the journey of self-rediscovery, the boundaries she’s learned to set, and the desires she’s now exploring on her own terms.
Cindra doesn’t shy away from the topics society often avoids. She calls out the silence around women’s pleasure, exposing how misinformation and taboo create barriers to both satisfaction and empowerment. She shares her insights into the modern dating landscape, emphasizing honesty and vulnerability as the foundations of meaningful intimacy in a swipe-right world.
Breaking myths has been a recurring theme in her life, especially around jealousy in non-monogamous relationships and the pressures bisexual individuals face to “choose a side.” Through her experiences, Cindra highlights the importance of embracing authenticity and rejecting societal expectations that limit personal freedom.
Now, pleasure for her isn’t just about sex; it’s about freedom: freedom in the body, freedom in the mind, and freedom to live fully without overthinking or seeking validation. With her counseling studies and podcasting work, she’s ready to integrate her past lessons and guide others with a wisdom born from experience, heartbreak, and self-exploration.
This conversation with Cindra is a celebration of authenticity, a challenge to societal taboos, and a reminder that understanding ourselves is the first step to deep, meaningful connections.
Rediscovering Self
Taking a step back from intimacy coaching to ‘find yourself again.’ Can you describe what that journey of self-rediscovery looked like and how it has shaped the way you now understand your desires and set boundaries?
Cindra: I was really burnt out from 12 years of working for myself in various capacities and was far beyond needing a break. For me, intimacy coaching (and speaking and facilitating) became my whole identity, my whole life. I had to completely step away to find ME again, me as Cindra as a person, not as a business, not as a sexual personality, not as a coach.
My desires got all mingled up in that identity as well, and it has been a really long and hard process to filter out what is true to me and what are desires that I thought I had to fulfill/pursue because of my job.
I am a completely different person now; my boundaries around work and life are so much more defined, to myself and others. My desires? Let’s just say I am in a period of figuring out what is true and authentic to me!
Taboo Topics:
What’s one sexual topic you think society is still too scared to talk about openly, and why should we start the conversation?
Cindra: EVERYTHING about sex is taboo to the general public, which is why there is such a need for what you do and what I was doing (and am looking forward to getting back into one day). The problem with sex being so taboo is that there is a plethora of misinformation, which leads to sexual exploitation, boundaries being crossed, and so much confusion and heartbreak (and trauma), not to mention really bad sex! I think the one thing we don’t talk about enough (especially in het relationships) is women’s pleasure.
Why the conversation NEEDS to happen more is because of the massive orgasm gap (studied between cis men and cis women); women just have no clue that sex and pleasure are FOR THEM, and leaning in to this makes sex this whole other thing, not just something you feel you have to do for a man. It’s empowering and liberating, not to mention it helps you be able to set better boundaries and not stand for shitty behavior in the bedroom.
Swipe-Right World:
In today’s world of casual dating and digital connections, what do you believe are the keys to maintaining meaningful intimacy?
Cindra: HONESTY. I think being behind a screen has bred a lot of lying and deceitful behaviors, maybe feeling like you need to be someone else to be loved. Brutal honesty is THE key to gaining meaningful intimacy and keeping it throughout a relationship. It opens vulnerability as well, which has to be a strong runner-up in terms of keys.
People think intimacy is all about the bits, being sexy, and having good technique, but all of this is nothing unless you have honesty and vulnerability. They open a whole layer of juicy, deep, evolving intimacy that allows it to unfold and be maintained over time.
Surprising Truth About Desire
What’s a sexual “myth” or fantasy you used to believe but discovered was totally different in reality?
Cindra: I feel like all fantasies I have played out have been pretty much what I thought they would be in reality! Myths, I guess being in the world that I have been in, I didn’t really invest in too many myths; I was the one trying to break them all down! I guess in terms of being non-monogamous, the biggest myth people believe about those kinds of relationships is like, “Wow, those people must not experience jealousy.” And that is dead wrong.
In reality, you experience SO much jealousy in open relating; the difference is, you don’t demonize it. We have made jealousy mean something negative. In open relating, you feel jealous, and you have to dig deeper. It’s not “I feel jealous, so stop; it’s I feel jealous, and what is that saying about ME and the work I need to do on myself?
No Need to Choose
What advice would you give someone exploring their bisexuality, especially if they feel pressure to “choose a side” or hide part of themselves?
Cindra: Unfortunately, being bisexual (or anything along that spectrum) still is not the most accepted sexuality. There is also a degree of feeling “hidden” depending on the type of relationship you have. I know for me, being with a cis woman right now, I feel people would assume I was a lesbian, as opposed to bi. I love being bi and am proud of it. If people want you to choose a side, that’s a them thing, not a you thing. It says a lot more about the person judging, always.
If you feel you need to hide part of yourself, that is a shame. I would strongly remind myself that it’s no one’s business who you choose to have sex with or fall in love with, and I would encourage you to be your true self; if people don’t accept that, then I wouldn’t want them in my life!
Evolving Pleasure:
If you could redefine what “pleasure” means at this stage of your life—beyond sex—how would you describe it now?
Cindra: Pleasure for me is freedom. Freedom in my own body, freedom in how I choose to start my day. Freedom from overthinking, anxiety, and worrying about what people think of me. That feels so pleasurable.
Again, the concept of pleasure got really tied up in my work. I probably over-analyzed my experiences of pleasure in the bedroom; I was always trying to learn something, or try something, or practice something, so it became almost something that didn’t belong to me. Now pleasure is in the little, day-to-day things that I can be present for and not have to earn!
Learning, Growing, Sharing
Now that you’re focusing on counseling studies and podcasting, how do you integrate your past experiences into your current work, and what lessons are you most excited to share with your audience?
Cindra: Everything is informed by my work in the sexuality space. I think that comes from studying Somatic Sexology and really aligning with that whole embodiment piece… It’s in me, whether I use it or not. I changed as a person after my training, and you can’t undo that! I am so excited to eventually re-enter the intimacy space as a counsellor. I just know my boundaries around work and my life are so much stronger; I have so much more wisdom to share, and not being as enmeshed in my work is going to make me a better practitioner as well.
Coming back to myself and learning all that I have through a couple of breakups, a relationship redo, opening and closing my relationship, and all the therapy in between is going to inform and evoke what and how I share in a whole new way. It’s going to be unmatched
Editor Note
Cindra’s story shows that intimacy isn’t just about giving or receiving; it’s about discovering yourself. By stepping back, she was able to reclaim her desires, set clear boundaries, and live authentically on her own terms. In a world full of expectations, online personas, and silent rules, her journey invites us to explore pleasure, connection, and self-awareness freely.
It’s a reminder that the strongest relationships, whether with yourself or others, begin with honesty, curiosity, and the courage to be unapologetically yourself.
