Meet Vanessa, a sexologist and intimacy coach who helps people reconnect with their bodies and enjoy pleasure after experiencing trauma. Using her own healing journey and professional training, she guides clients through her Golden Pleasure Method, which combines body-focused practices, nervous system care, and open communication to build confidence, desire, and real intimacy.
In this conversation, Vanessa talks about overcoming shame, embracing “Pussy Power”, bringing pleasure into daily life, and exploring sexuality without fear. She reminds us that pleasure isn’t just a practice; it’s a way to care for and empower yourself.
Dive in to discover how Vanessa is transforming the way we understand healing, intimacy, and pleasure, and why reclaiming your body can be a revolutionary path to freedom.”
Healing and Reconnection
Vanessa, thank you for sharing your story so openly. You’ve spoken about reclaiming your body after sexual assault, which is such a powerful and vulnerable journey. How has that personal experience shaped the way you now support others in reconnecting with themselves and finding pleasure again?
Vanessa:My personal experiences of struggling to feel safe in my body and empowered by my sexuality inform everything I do. When I was on my own journey, I found it hard to come across stories that offered hope for reclaiming pleasure after sexual assault. Sharing my story online allows me to be a kind of lighthouse for others, showing that it is possible to overcome the ways sexual trauma impacts us. The practices and methods I teach are ones I’ve personally used to reconnect with my body and rediscover pleasure. I work with clients from a place that is both evidence-based and deeply personal, combining my training in sexology with my own lived experience.
The Golden Pleasure Method
Can you walk us through the Golden Pleasure Method and why nervous system safety is such an essential part of unlocking deeper pleasure?
Vanessa: My signature Golden Pleasure Method is built around three pillars: Safe Haven, Pussy Power, and Communicate like a Baddie.
Safe Haven is all about your connection to yourself—feeling safe in your body, noticing and regulating your emotions, and doing it all with self-compassion.
Pussy Power is about reclaiming the idea that pleasure is your birthright. Having a pussy is something powerful and worth celebrating, not shameful or dirty. It’s about choosing a reality where your pleasure gets to be infinite.
Communicate like a Baddie is about becoming unapologetically direct and explicit about what you want and need in both connection and intimacy.
Nervous system safety is central to unlocking deeper pleasure because pleasure is experienced in the present moment. If your body is stuck in a stress response (fight, flight, or freeze), your capacity to connect with others and experience pleasure is limited. By cultivating safety in your body and helping yourself get out of that stress state, you will learn how to fully access your pleasure.
Pleasure Beyond the Bedroom
How does prioritising pleasure in daily life, whether through solo travel, movement, or ritual, spill over into sexual confidence and intimacy?
Vanessa: Prioritising pleasure in your everyday life is about giving yourself permission to put yourself first and experience joy often. Doing this consistently teaches you that pleasure isn’t saved for certain contexts but instead is something you can always access. Prioritising yourself and your joy outside of the bedroom improves your relationship with yourself. This self-attunement creates higher sexual confidence and authentic, connected intimacy.
Threesomes, Swinging & Open Play
Have you noticed more women (or couples) curious about non-monogamy or threesomes? What’s your advice for exploring this without jealousy taking over?
Vanessa: Yes, I do think more couples and women are curious about non-monogamy, including threesomes. My advice is to approach it slowly and with honesty. Start by being upfront about your fears, boundaries, and triggers. Talk through hypothetical situations before they actually happen to prevent misunderstandings or unnecessary conflict. Before jumping into a threesome, you can begin exploring by discussing who you find attractive in everyday life or on a night out and notice how that conversation feels in your body. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, even within monogamous relationships. The key is to own it, talk about it openly, and ask for reassurance from your partner when you need it.
Sex, Spirituality & Somatics
Some people see sex and spirituality as separate, even conflicting. How does somatic sexology bridge these worlds, and what does sacred sexuality look like to you?
Vanessa: Somatic sexology is all about blending the body and the mind. It’s a holistic way to process past experiences or beliefs and explore new ways of connecting with yourself. By combining talk-based approaches with somatic practices like movement, sound, and self-touch, we can access the deep wisdom that’s already in the body and mind.
I see sex and spirituality as completely intertwined. Sexual energy is life force energy, and when we really connect with it, sexual pleasure becomes transcendent. Sacred sexuality, to me, is about being deeply in tune with your body, following your desires unapologetically, and expressing that energy in a fully empowered way
Pussy Power
“Pussy power” is such a bold and unapologetic phrase. What does it mean to you personally, and how do your clients transform when they embrace it?
Vanessa: To me, ‘Pussy Power’ is about feeling fully powerful as a person with a vulva. It’s rejecting the patriarchy and outdated gender stereotypes that tell us to be passive, fearful, or feel less than. Many vulva owners carry shame or people-pleasing, which is why I chose such a striking phrase as a call to step fully into your power. For me personally, it’s my way of saying, “I am powerful, I am sovereign, and I am in charge of my life and my experiences moving forward.”
When my clients embrace Pussy Power, they start to shed decades of shame and reclaim their bodies and confidence. They show up boldly in their lives and relationships, speak their desires unapologetically, and embody a true sense of sovereignty over their pleasure. They become magnetic to their wildest desires, attracting the lovers and experiences they truly want. This transformation happens internally, reshaping how they feel in their own skin, and externally, in how they show up in the world.
The Taboo Factor
Do you think that breaking taboos is what makes sex exciting, or does chasing “forbidden” desires sometimes get in the way of authentic intimacy?
Vanessa: I believe everyone’s version of exciting, fulfilling sex is different. While novelty and exploring new things can definitely create excitement, you don’t need to push past your own limits to have truly exciting sex. Authentic intimacy comes from being fully present, honest, and connected to both your own desires and your partner’s. That’s why sexual compatibility is so important; it creates a space where both people can fully enjoy and explore what feels good to them.
Advice to Younger Self
If you could go back and whisper one piece of advice to your younger self, before your healing journey began, what would it be about sex, love, or your body?
Vanessa: I’d tell my younger self that her body is hers; always has been, always will be.
Editor’s Note:
Vanessa’s story is a masterclass in courage, self-empowerment, and radical pleasure. Through her journey of reclaiming her body after trauma, she has turned personal healing into a path of transformation for others. Her Golden Pleasure Method is more than a set of practices, it’s an invitation to reconnect with your body, honour your desires, and experience intimacy without fear or shame. From everyday pleasure rituals to embracing the unapologetic force of “Pussypractices; Power”, Vanessa reminds us that pleasure is not indulgence; it is self-care, sovereignty, and liberation.
In a world that often teaches restraint and shame, her work stands as a bold, inspiring call to reclaim what is inherently yours: your body, your pleasure, and your power.
“I am powerful, I am sovereign, and I am in charge of my life and my experiences moving forward.”
